“I have anger in me, and it even makes me mad, that I have it in me…” – first fragment of Martha’s book

We start sharing fragments of book being written by Martha.

This is original manuscript, without corrections. Please do not hate Martha for multiple spelling errors. Printed version will be error free.
Here let it be additional “flavour”, showing true, sincere Martha. Plain and good girl, with awful spelling, but with rich, sensitive inside.

5

What do I think about?

About the accident, about him, and his family.
Most often I think “WHY?”.
Most often I think about my family.
About past and future life.
About love surrounding me, familiar and friendly.
How long? When? Why? Why?
About justice and the power of people holding it.
How to teach myself to live with all of this? Get over it? And believe.

I’m not hiding it, I have an anger in me, and it even makes me mad, that I have it. I don’t want to have it inside, but it goes along with sadness, disappointment, fear.
I always think about what I have. Great love and my family’s fight, and I know, that I must be strong for them, and not let myself go crazy. They are everything to me, they always were and always will be. Sometimes I think about other women here, that maybe they are who they are because no one loves them? Or maybe they don’t have family?
I don’t know, I don’t understand many things here, especially women with children, very sad thing. I think a lot about my great love, tiny dog who died. Her name was Figa (she was a Chihuahua). It certainly wouldn’t happen if I only was with her. My heart aches, but I try to explain this to myself, that now she is my little angel.

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