All meetings ended with this, because I was in Poland, and after returning to work, on the second year of our acquaintance, innocent jokes started around us. Everyone was laughing when he joked that I will be his wife, but I let it out with my other ear, knowing, that he’s joking. After some time it began to be awkward, because his jokes startes to be less and less funny and pointed individually to coworkers, for example: “Do not stand beside her, do not ever park beside her.”
He was also sometimes assigned by the manager, to explain to me how I am supposed to work, because I was a new employee. He was kind, polite, and patient. When he could, he was giving me and other workers a ride to work, when we were starting on the same hour. We came back from work also together. But before that, at the very beginning, we had a taxi for workers, which was taken away from us. At that time we were all giving each other a ride. To me he was a hard-working, and he didn’t like when someone was lazy. He seemed like a calm man.
I first met him when I started working in the same hotel. We have known each other for two years but it wasn’t a close acquaintance. We were from different environments. He had his colleagues and spent the time with them. We never went together anywhere and there was no romantic or sexual relation between us. For the first year Csaba was courteous man. He had a kind heart when speaking of his family.
We have few subjects at the school, only 3 lessons are allowed every day. There can be only 6 people in the class, so first come first served. There is a list of students, on which I am enrolled, and the list of waiting.
The prison also offers courses, that I am using.
At this time I hold about 10 certificates.
The subjects offered by the prison are computers (learning how to use them), kitchen (cooking one meal for yourself), jewelry (making, composing beads into jewelry), English language, first aid, carpentry, ceramics, welding of coloured glass, hand-sewing, leather works, cosmetics (painting nails, apllying creme), hairdressing (washing hair, drying, applying paint on the hair).
At 8:30 a.m. we’re unlocked. I wake up and get ready for school. First lesson starts at 9:30 a.m. until 11:00 a.m. – (15 minute break) – second lesson from 11:15 a.m. until noon.
At 12:30 we have lunch until 1:00 p.m.
The third lesson starts at 2:15 p.m. and lasts til 4:p.m. At 4:30 p.m. we’re having dinner and it’s the last meal, but every morning, from 8:30 a.m. until 9:00 a.m. we can ask for cereal and milk. At 5:30 p.m. until 7 p.m. I work in the library*. And that’s how my every day ends.
Every day looks exactly the same. I’ve made myself an everyday routine, which helps me.
*Information about Martha working in the library is no longer valid.
I’m here for one and a half year already, but I feel like it was much more. Time passes very slowly, especially at nights. For time to pass faster I try to do whaever I can, and take what the prison offers.
I’m in a single cell, meaning I’m alone in the cell, so I feel safer. I wouldn’t like to share the cell for different reasons, among them thievery, lack of understanding, conflicts of different kinds, or bringing other girls to the room. I have a key to the room, and every time I go for dinner I close it.
Inmates are divided into three stages: basic, standard, and enhance. I am enhance, that means I can have two phone calls per day to my family or friends, every call for 6 minutes. I can also have two visits per week, thirty minutes each.
I work in the library and I get paid for it, + €3 per week (basic – €6, standard – €12, enhance – €15,60), meaning I have €18,60 per week.
Do I feel responsible for his death?
It’s still hard for me to believe this, or accept it. I often think about his family, about torture they must be going through, especially on holiday or his birthday, or the day of the accident. I’m afraid to imagine his mother’s pain and others. Although I’m sure that this accident wouldn’t happen if he wasn’t attacking me in the car, but I also made many mistakes. I stopped my car, or should I take another route? It’s not important now, I WAS THE DRIVER, and I feel very responsible for his death, that I couldn’t save him and find him. That I could do something differently. This will stay with me for the rest of my life, there is not a single day, that I am not thinking about it. I would like very much that he was here, and not leaving me with all of this. I feel responsible, but not for murder.