I often think about other things that happened here in Ireland. People butchering each other with knives, hiding the bodies somewhere, killing innocent children, and running from the accident site… All those horrible cases end with “involuntary manslaughter”. I can’t understand anything of it. From the start I was afraid that I will get “involuntary manslaughter” rather than accident or driving causing death, but I knew that a man died and I need to hold responsibility for that, so I tried to prepare myself for this, but “murder” never crossed my mind. That word frightens me, and I don’t know how to get my head around it and I don’t hear it. I can’t get over it, I can’t understand this. This reality seems fiction to my head. I would want to get over it, be strong and get through this, but this tires me, and I don’t know how. Not for murder.